Dota spree ended.

I guess at some point I would eventually have to wake up. And it's just a matter of time.
And at many points where people, be them supervisors, friends, or family who have ever said any comments about you, there are probably some of which validity you would eventually soon come to realize. And that also, a matter of time.

Dota ruins my life, it really does. I have to say it. And now the more I play it, the more I feel myself as a stupid ignorant fool who irresponsibly called himself a passed third year medical student who actually 'has no brain but dying to be doctor'. That by the way, was a famous line frequently hurled from one of my respected supervisor, who from the very beginning have seen what kinda miserable life I was in and since then not only did she never gives up on me but still sincerely wants to see the best outta me. Her words are always relevant to me, both inspirational and motivational. And to come to think of the fact that I have failed her miserably in the most pathetic way you could've ever imagined, adds more insults to my life.

And I, obviously was making a fool outta myself. Stress was never a thing in my life, even though truly everyone knows that it was, it's just a matter of fact that I was never brave enough to acknowledge it. Back then in the days, I was probably seeing dota as a vent of outta the stressful moment which I don't acknowledge of its presence that had rendered me to be trapped in this neverending full-of-angry&miserable-gamers world that doesn't even exist. Not to mention the amount of time I have spent wasted. It was unbelievable! Unfortunately, third year is pretty much all-dota. I could have gotten myself a better life instead of wasting time in the virtual world where everyone tends to release their anger, and where mostly everyone presents the most ugliest part of them till the extent that I have to say somehow it drains a part of me. I could have gotten myself a much better results.

I deserve a better life that is.

I really don't see the point anymore, there is nothing to be gained at the end of the game and at the end of the day spent wasted on dota, it's another day wasted away in my life. Yesterday, my steam account was hijacked due to one stupid mistake on my own. I have lost it all. All the items and levels gained in that couple of months. Gone. Along with that 700++ matches records were gone too. It reminds me of how much time I have actually spent WASTED. and how much better I could have gotten myself into. How much regrets. I felt angry at the same time some strangely tinge of relief, like I was released.

It is fated. Somehow I know it is. And now it is time to stop the game, and choose to live the one reality life that I want and to become the person that I choose myself to be.

Let's be hopeful

Inspiration and passion spurs you towards overcoming challenges. But when expectation is so hard to meet, when disappointment is inevitably by chance and no longer an option, faith is what you need, to push on and to believe that your limits is still far from being reached. But what comes next? what lies in the future that is so uncertain.

First week of Internal Medicine posting in my second clinical week has almost come to its end. A little awareness of my own weakness startle immediately but that's all right. Overall this week was rather experiential and I am certainly looking forward for more in the coming weeks and years. I must say, I couldn't exactly know what is coming my way, but will definitely know what it is like. Nevertheless, I hope I can really make the best out of it and still be as passionate as I do.